I have these times lately when all I want to do is talk. I just don't have a lot of people I want to talk to. I don't even know how to feel anymore. Sometimes I try to cry because it seems like it'll be easier, but it never happens unless I don't want it to. I feel like I've lost everything. Or I will. I keep trying to hold it together but it's hard, even in public. And around friends, most of the time I barely have the energy to be okay. I don't know if this is broken... I feel broken. I don't feel like the normal me. Sometimes I feel very me - moving back was the right thing to do - but the normal me is okay. I have always, always been okay. And I feel like if someone looks at me just the right (wrong?) way, or hugs me a little too long, or says something little too true, I will just break down. A friend of mine recently said something about me thinking bottling everything up was cool. I don't. That's not it. But if I let anything go, it's all out there. I can't break only halfway. And I don't think anyone can or wants to be there through that. Maybe I'm not giving my friends enough credit. But right now, I'm tired of being wrong about people. It's stupid and depressing and very immature but I just don't want to get hurt anymore. I'm tired.