Flying always makes me think about things. Like how our bodies can intuitively know what is up and what is down. And how utterly miraculous clouds are. (Seriously. In heaven I want to be able to scoop them up and hold them. Sounds weird, but how awesome would that be?) And whether or not people are actually good. And whether or not I could pull off an acting career.
Flying is so beautiful. It's so completely separate from anything we do on the ground. No matter how close or far you are laterally from something or someone else, being above or below changes things. All different levels are so cut off from the others. Even on top of a mountain, looking below at the lights of a city, it's all so apart. I guess that might not make a lot of sense, but hey, I tried.
I always kind of hold my breath right as the plane starts speeding down the runway. I have to say goodbye. Even if I was on a 30-minute layover in a place I've never been before, I can't leave without trying to slow time and making sure I'm ready to leave. I never am.
Really, I'm never ready for anything when it happens. I can't even imagine being ready. I can't even imagine anyone else being ready. How do people even prepare for things?
I talk too much, you know. Random change, I just realized how much I was rambling.
I get attached to things so quickly. It was silly to think that I could really move to Colorado and expect to have no trouble moving back. I mean, it took me less than a week to make friends with someone I'm going to miss. Now I've got roots there. Not anything like the massive oak tree roots I have at home, but thready, tangly roots that are going to sting if/when I pull them up.
Was I brave to leave? James thinks I was. I don't even know anymore. It seemed like the only option. Maybe I was brave. I don't even know if I want to be brave anymore.
Okay. Never mind. I know. Bravery is the only way to go, bitch. ;)
Music is wonderful, by the way. Listen to this. Be Nike and Just Do It. (heh, heh, heh. I wonder if Nike knew that they were being dirty when they made that their slogan.)
Frozen's "Let It Go"/Vivaldi's "Winter" Mashup - The Piano Guys
I've been listening to that on replay I've-lost-count-how-many times.
I don't want to talk anymore about how scared I am. I want to stop being scared. I don't care if I'm not ready.
I never have been and it's okay.
