Teddy's awesome!!!!!!

I have an amazing boyfriend. :D And if I could yell that to every person in the world, I would.

If I controlled time...

1. First of all, that would be awesome. I'd visit the 1800s and scandalize Victorian society.
2. I'd slip in a few extra weeks of time with Ben. And there has to be some way to make money with time travel so he wouldn't have to worry about losing money by staying here.
3. I just have to say, I'd be a freakin' badass Doctor.

I'm not looking forward to the end of the quarter. I want school to be over so bad but I'm not ready for the summer. I wish Teddy and I could somehow stay in the same place. It would make things so much simpler and easier. I wish our talk was over with already, and at the same time I want to put it off forever.

Never again.

Uggh. Last night I was an idiot. Everything was fantastic until I started smoking weed with Teddy and a friend of his. I was okay for a while, but then Teddy started going on about how these other girls were so hot (he doesn't exactly have a mouth filter when he's high) and I started getting intermittently pissed off. Then I calmed down and wasn't mad anymore, but I started crying about my parents. I wasn't even going to tell Teddy about the possible separation. He said it's okay and I can tell him everything, but still. Anyway, bottom line - I should avoid weed. It makes me act like a bitch.

Cleaning house

My parents have been getting into a lot of fights lately. The worst was last Friday night (now the Katy Perry song is running through my head). I was cleaning the bathrooms, and I moved the toothbrushes around so I could clean around them and all that, and naturally all the toothbrushes got jumbled together - including my dad's. Now, if we had only one toothbrush per person, it wouldn't be so difficult for me to sort them out, but we have about thirty-odd toothbrushes in the main bathroom alone. So I went around the house asking people which was their toothbrush, with the idea that I would just bleach and bag the rest of them (goodness knows why we save so many toothbrushes - we'll never in this lifetime or the next use them all for any purpose that I can think of). When I asked my dad which was his, he said, "You have got to be shitting me" and started swearing up and down. I kind of lost it; I was the only one cleaning and the house was a wreck. I was sick of all of it. So I threw the toothbrushes all over the hallway. My mom walked me outside, and we leaned against the Mazda and I just started cussing Dad out. I couldn't shut up. I went on and on about how dirty the house was and those 8 cats that we own that he would hardly let outside and those 8 cars - most of which don't even work and aren't being fixed - that he kept in our driveway and for goodness' sake couldn't he ever let anyone be? Mom didn't even stop me from calling him a fucking asshole - which I did several times. After we went in, she dragged him outside and they had a huge fight. They were yelling and swearing and my mom kicked the garage door and dented it because she was so mad. She went into her room and slammed the door. After about five minutes I went back there and knocked, and she let me in. She told me she wanted to move out. I didn't think she would. I know she loves my dad. But still, I've never heard her say anything like that seriously, and it freaked me out. That was the big event of the night, although the chaos continued until after I went to bed. I never figured out why, but my brother ran crying out of the house, and my sister was yelling about something, and my mom and dad argued off and on for the rest of the night. When I woke up the next morning, my dad had left for a black belt workout several hours away, and my mom had stayed home, even though they had originally planned to go together. That night when he got back, he brought roses for my mom, and it seemed like they were okay. They haven't had anything nearly as serious since then, but it's never peaceful at my house, and I'm worried.
I haven't even attempted to clean the house since then. Tomorrow I'll try again.

I need to figure out how to say what I want to say to Teddy. For a while, we were both okay with the idea of taking a break over the summer. But I'm really not as okay with it now. I could handle it, yes, if I knew for sure that we would be together again at the end of the summer. But not only is there no guarantee of that, the fact that he could date anybody else would drive me crazy. I understand that he may not be ready to be committed. I don't exactly know how to bring this up to him (and I don't plan to for another few weeks) but we love eachother and we're happy together and I just don't think that taking a break is worth the risk of losing him.

Life is really just wonderful right now. I'm working out again - that's definitely part of my mood lifter - and I'm dating Teddy again. Gosh, that guy is wonderful. He makes me so happy.
I am so tired though!!!!!!! Half of what I do surprises me because it doesn't feel real! I've gotten a total of about 9 hours in the past three nights!! Not enough!!!!!

I flew an airplane today. I am sunburned and so, so happy. :)

There is something to be said for functionality.

I have become a lot more... calm, I guess, in regards to my relationship with Teddy. At the beginning, it was really hard to trust him - not that he would ever do anything, but why on earth did he ask me out again, anyway? And did he actually want to make it work? But now, instead of talking about breaking up over the summer, he's saying stuff about how we feel more like a couple now to him. And to be honest, we do. It's actually amazing - I didn't know how cool it could be to be in love with an amazing guy and know that nothing bad is going to happen just because you don't see eachother for a couple days. We still don't know what will happen this summer - we're leaving it until later to decide. But I think that either way, we'll be okay. :) And did I mention, he loves me? :D
Ooooohh, I thought I was done writing but I'm not. I'm at the Tutoring Center - I work there now, as a math and writing tutor - and I'm bored, even though I have homework to do.
I'm going to be staying here this summer. I'm not that upset - I'm actually kind of excited. I'll probably be working at my old job part time, plus tutoring, plus housecleaning - whatever I can pick up, but Olivia will be here for the summer too - first time in years that my best friend has been with me for the summer - and so is Annelise and a bunch of other friends. It's going to be a good summer. :)