Spring Break, Day 1

I am TIRED!  But it's absolutely beautiful here.  I miss Teddy!  I am trying not to think about anything like that, and I'm having fun here so it's not so bad.  But I do hope he misses me, and is getting his needed thinking time.  I need to go to bed so this is all I'm writing for now, but there should be more, plus maybe a picture or two, tomorrow. :)

I'm feeling sad.  It's my own fault.  I looked at the texts document again.  Teddy said stuff so often about how sure he was, and how he would never give me up.  I know he didn't necessarily lie but he didn't know himself well enough, or at least he ignored it.  Dear God, keep him safe over break, and help both of us understand what to do, PLEASE.
In Your holy name,
Amen

Ben, I doubt you're reading this but if you are, HI! And stop reading.

I NEED SPRING BREAK SO BAD!!!!!!  I just need some time to think!  I do love Ben and I do think it would be worth it to date, but what I need to figure out is if he actually would be willing (based off of what I've seen and heard from him lately) to try, and wouldn't regret giving up other girls for a while.  And I need a clear, well-rested brain to do that, and I can't do that until finals are over!

A rant for Teddy and too bad he'll never read it.

Teddy, you are crazy.  You drive me crazy.  How am I supposed to follow what goes through your head?  You do things that make absolutely no sense!!  You say one thing one day and another the next.  You go back and forth so fast I don't even have a chance to breathe!  Can't you just STOP OVERTHINKING EVERYTHING and give this a chance to be uncomplicated???
I love you and I'm not freaking out anymore but this mood change is exhausting!

Pondering is a ponderous word.

I have a theory that says Teddy, despite his admitted commitment issues, doesn't want to let me out of his life anytime soon. To prove that though, I have to let go and see what happens. And I have letting go issues. I haven't figured out yet what I'll do.