Welcome to the Drama Club!

Feeling in a bit of a dirty mood.  I don't like it.  That's the old Crazy.  Okay, okay, it's not like the new Crazy has no hormones.  Jeez.  I'm reminded of that every time I see... certain people.  But, I have better things to think about.  No, seriously.  I've got school.
Okay, I don't remember exactly when I wrote that, but it was about a week ago and I was just having some hormonal issues.  Anyway.  On the good stuff.
Okay, okay, there isn't any "good stuff", if by good stuff you mean juicy tales of what's been going on in my life.  I don't have interesting things happen to me very often.  My talent lies in taking something exceptionally boring and making it sound fascinating.  (Incidentally, that's not bragging - it's something my old English teacher said.)
There has been a bit of drama this week, most of it unnecessary (drama does tend to be that way, haven't you noticed?).
First, Eric and Lisa had a falling-out of sorts.  It turns out they both like eachother, but she got scared because she's never been in a relationship and now they barely speak.  They danced a couple of times together, but they used to be nearly inseparable.  Eric told me this on Wednesday night.  He was pretty upset about it.  Lisa hasn't said a word about it.  I'm sad for her.  What's going to happen to her if she's too scared to ever be in a relationship?  She's a fantastic girl - I don't want her to be alone for the rest of her life.
The other bit of drama occurred last night at the dance.  This girl, Taya, whose name I hope I have no occasion to mention again, came up to me while I was dancing with Olivia's sister (nothing uncommon - there are never enough guys so girls will frequently dance together) and said, "You need to get off the floor right now and let the people who know what they're doing, do it."  I told her that she wasn't in charge and that I didn't need to do anything, and I kept on dancing again.  I saw her looking at me while we were dancing.  I looked straight into her eyes for several seconds, and then looked away and continued dancing.  Apparently, she was watching us for the rest of the dance.  Fucking bitch.  It was quite satisfying to know that I bothered her so much though.  I never really liked her.
And third bit, although this is good drama - the best I've heard for a while - Finn and Ariel are going out!  It just became official.  Apparently a lot of people were expecting that.  I wasn't, but I think it's fantastic.  Bit of a shock though - I guess he broke up with his old girlfriend over Christmas break, and I had no idea about any of this until this last Thursday.  Dunno why, but it makes me pretty happy.

Man, I've got it bad.

Curses on you, Christian.  Don't go being nice; I'll be spoilt.  I don't want to be spoilt.  And yes, I'm having fun saying 'spoilt'.
Also, I can't wait until tomorrow night.  And the engineering banquet.
It's getting hard not to think about traveling when it's everywhere.  I want to so bad.
Dear God, I promise, if you give me the chance to travel I will not waste a minute of it.  I will do as much as I can, and I won't let myself get bored, and I certainly won't spend all day in a hotel room or the dorm.

Holy MOTHER.

As a history/mechanical engineering major in the Honors program, I have got the most unimaginable class load.  And possibly unmanageable.  I've got to talk to both of my advisers, and maybe the Honors head, because I need to see how many of my classes cross over.  It looks like I'll have at least 20 credits per quarter for the forseeable future - and that's even though I'm taking classes during the summer, although I'll probably only be taking 8-10 credits then.  I am going to double major - or at least get an engineering major and a minor in history - but I am not going to make my parents pay for an extra year at school, especially since goodness knows at that point they'll need the money for the rest of us.
I got a dress yesterday for the Engineering Banquet.  I've never gone dress-shopping before, and I think I could learn to hate it, but somehow I found the perfect dress so fast that I didn't have time to hate it.  It's lovely - right up my alley, too - red, halter, long and flowy but not poufy, thank goodness.  Incidentally, I don't have a date for this banquet - I'm going because I need colloquium credit for my Intro to CAD class.
The other day, I drew a face on my paper before I turned it in for class.  I don't know why - I usually doodle in class, but typically I perform such endeavors in my notebook where no one will ever see them again.  But my notebook was tucked away in my backpack and I didn't want to make the noise that retrieving it would require, so I just started drawing on my paper.  I didn't really realize what I was doing until the end of class came and he asked us to turn in our papers.  Well, yesterday I got it back and he had drawn ears and a moustache on it.  I guess this is his way of accepting the apology that I gave for the face in the first place. :-)

'Tis spring.

Today feels so long.  I feel like I'm going to fail everything.  I don't want to fail - if I fail this quarter, I'm out of the school.  Granted, sometimes I have no idea why I'm going to school here, but I don't want to get kicked out - especially not for poor grades.  Let me tell you - community college does NOT prepare you for a university.  Not a damn bit.
Just realized, I've mostly given up swearing.  Now, stubbing my toe can always get a colorful word out of me, but for the most part, I've quit. :-)
I'm starting to feel a tiny bit better.  It's so nice outside.  And pretty nice inside too.  And swing dancing is tonight.
Okay, wow.  I don't know what this song is, but I like it.  I could swear I've heard it before.
That feeling is indescribable.

Jammed my foot down my throat this time.

Wow.  I really do know how to screw up.  Ian basically told me he liked me.  And I thought he was joking.  And I behaved accordingly.  Gosh I'm dumb sometimes.  Yuuuuuuuuck.

Oh. Oh my. 'Tis my time to dance.

So, first, the weird news.  Sort of good and bad mixed.  Last night, my parents... kicked me out?  I'm not sure if that's the way to put it.
Basically, I got in a huge fight with my parents.  It was so mixed up.  To be honest, I wasn't quite sure what we were arguing about - I'm still not.  It was sort of about grades, but my grades are good.  I think more than anything it was just that things have been really tense for a while in my house, because I'm never home anymore.  I'm at the school from 7 in the morning to 9-12 at night.  Sometimes I go a day or two without seeing some of my family, because they're asleep both when I leave and get back.  Anyway, my dad was going on about how I was wasting his money going to school when I didn't know what to do with my life.  I told him to shut up.  He took that about as well as you could imagine, but it was my mom who really took offense.  She told him to call the school, I was going to live in the dorm next quarter.  She didn't want me living here if I was going to act that way.  Later she came into my room and said she didn't want me to think that they didn't want me here; she just thought it was best for everyone if I left.  Still not entirely sure how I feel about this.  I did want to live in the dorm, and didn't know how I was going to convince them to let me.  This wasn't quite the way I expected it to happen.  I suppose I should just be happy it worked out.
Okay, now the good news.  Tonight, after swing dancing, Ace asked me to come up and go snowboarding.  We're leaving early (if the conditions are good), so I should really get to bed.  I have to get up in four hours.  But I'm pretty happy.
I believe in God.  Have I mentioned that?  I really do.  These past few weeks I've had even more reason to.  At least, I've noticed it more.  I guess... I'm saying is that I think God has a plan behind this.  A plan behind my parents sending me to the dorm.  I'm a little nervous - maybe more so than I would have had if I was just going, without this whole story behind it.  But it's going to be okay.

Actually, a lot of people said I was really good at dipping.

So, I know I once decided to stop thinking about Ace.  At this point, you must have concluded that I have gone back on that.  I think it's reached the point where I'd really like to talk about him.
Hang on.  I wrote that last night before swing dancing, and I have a lot to talk about.  Well... maybe not so much, but it's awesome stuff.  I had such a wonderful night.  I'm also having a good time right now.
Anyway, Aaron got to the SAC pretty early last night, and he taught me dubstep swing.  Dubstep swing is awesome.  After that, I just did homework while he taught Lisa.
Okay, I'm not going to take you through this whole thing chronologically.  Basically, I danced with Ace, and he said I was really good at the Push and at the dips (swing moves), and we actually laughed together.  He even used me as an example when teaching someone else how to do the dip properly.  I also learned a couple of new moves, and when the night was over, Carl walked me to my car and was quite the gentleman.  Incidentally, we discussed gentlemanliness at length on the way there.
It was a wonderful night.  And I'll talk about Ace sometime later.

I'm kidding myself.

I dearly hope that I can keep this mood throughout the day.  I feel rather good.
Well, it's much later, but I don't feel bad.   I love old music.  And Ace keeps making me think.  And you know how I have a weakness for guys who make me think.
Darn it, Ace, you gotta stop doing that.  Somehow I'm getting the idea that you're a romantic.  Which could be dizzying for my own heart and mind.  I don't need to be a romantic.
And I certainly don't need you to be one.

For those of us who know...

I'm feeling a nice sort of lonely.  Although, lonely is still lonely, and those of us who feel that way often have to devise our own methods of making it nice.
It's not a terrible existence.  We find our happiness in little things instead of big things - we have to.  We don't often have those great big splendid things that many people have.  We have so many of the little splendid things though.  The ones that make you smile as you walk down the street, not because you're in love with someone who loves you, or because you just got that job, but because you're in love and it feels good, or because the person who got that job is your friend.  Maybe you got a free coffee.  Maybe the sun came out just as you stepped outside.  Maybe they played your favorite song on the radio.
I don't know if we have more little things or if we've just trained ourselves to look at them.  But I would say we're just as happy as those who have all the big things.
There are bad moments too.  Moments when we realize just how alone we are, and that we have no one we can really trust to be there.  Moments when we're tired and scared and we have no one to sit us down, tell us to eat some ice cream, and just chill for a few minutes.  Moments when the big problems are overwhelming and the little gifts just don't seem to matter.
But all in all, it's not such a bad life.
It's even a bit beautiful.

"So let go, let go..."

It's time to stop being afraid.

I need a better phrase at the end.

I'll bet you read the end first, after the title. :-)
I love being at the coffee shop in the morning.  It really is amazing.  It smells good, it's warm, it has a creative atmosphere, and the cashier is always really nice.  I'm a bit of a regular.  I've been a regular at several places.  The library at the community college campus.  The DX.  And now here.  You don't exactly get special privileges or anything (not that I've noticed, anyway), but the people know your name and there's a particular pleasure in knowing things about the place that other people don't.  The library doesn't charge fines.  (They don't publicize that, but it's true.)  The people who close at the DX often play games or read books in between the rare customers.  The workers at the coffee shop will give you a free coffee sometimes.  It never happens when anyone else is around, and they usually have a reason for it (once the person who opened the coffee shop was late and she gave me a free mocha in penance), but once in a while there's no purpose to it.  I rather like it.
And now, I must jettison my brain in the direction of math.

I apologized.

So, here's another story.  For a couple of years, Riley dated a girl named Kayla.  I hated that girl so much, mostly because - completely because - I was in love with Riley at the time.  I was awful to her.  Did she deserve it?  No.  Probably not.  Anyway, I recently realized how wrong Riley had been about so many things, in so many ways, and I began to wonder if maybe I didn't have as much to fault Kayla for as I thought.  So this morning, before I could stop to think (seems I do a lot of things that way recently) I sent her a message and a friend request.  I told her I was sorry for treating her the way I did.  She replied, accepting the apology and the friend request and saying that she shouldn't have gotten between two close friends the way she did.
I actually feel a little better now.

FRIDAY!!

It's gonna be a good day.  How do I know?  Because it's Friday, you dimwit!  Well, and also because I only have one assignment today.  And because they played "Half of my Heart" by what's-his-face earlier.  And because it's Friday.  And because yesterday, I had lunch with Ace, and it was only awkward at the beginning.