Thursday, September 15, 2011

Lost, I guess. (Warning: strong language)

Just as a quick note, have you noticed how many entries have a warning on the title?
Sometimes I'm tempted to start cutting again.  I know I never will, but every once in a while, when things just suck, I take the knife out and hold it against my skin.  Sometimes I'll push down a little, although never enough to break the skin.  I can't.  I hate how I was then.  Besides, I made a promise that I can't break.  It doesn't stop me from thinking about it sometimes though.
WHY?  Why the FUCK won't anything work out?  Yes, I got into the honors program; yes, I'm fucking smart.  But WHERE has this gotten me?  No one cares if I'm a straight-A student - except for employers from places I don't even want to work, and of course my parents.  I don't want to do mechanical engineering.  I don't know what I want to do.  There's no place in this world for a girl who fails at every relationship and who doesn't know what she wants to do.
Oh, I'll be fine.  I always am.  For some reason I find myself remembering the time I totally lost it, back in December of last year...

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