I want to fucking kill someone. No one in particular. I don't have it in me right now to hate Gavin. I don't hate anyone right now, except maybe my grandpa. If I could wring my own fucking neck, I would. I've been so stupid. I don't think I've been this humiliated by myself - ever. I don't want to listen to music. I don't want to do anything. I hate not doing anything though, so I'm kind of half-heartedly pushing myself along.
Okay, yes, I'm also ticked off at Gavin. He makes excuses for a week and half; saying he's too busy to hang out, then he ignores me for almost a week, then he breaks up with me OVER TEXT. He says he'll call later that day when he gets off work. He never calls. I call him several times. I text him several times. I'm in town, so I stop by his house. Yes, maybe that's a little fucking extreme. But really? I can't even get the guy to talk to me. He isn't saying a word. I texted him once this morning saying I was sorry for overreacting yesterday, take care, etc. I meant it then, I meant it now. I don't hate him. But whether or not he actually IS a jerk, he ACTED like one. He was so nice for a few weeks, and then he turned around and was a fucking asshole. I don't get it. I DON'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND. I don't think I ever will. I'm trying not to care about the whole stupid mess, because it doesn't look like it will get any better. Everything hurts right now - the fact that I can't seem to make any relationship last, the fact that guys seemingly (if not for real) try to take advantage of me, the stupid floor I've been sleeping on for almost a month. And I'm tired of pretending I'm fine. No cure for that though. Oh well, I've been through worse. This shouldn't be that difficult. Crazy's a big girl now.
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