Weekend... how I have longed for thee...

...only to discover that thou shalt be busier than thy preceding week.

Too late for thinking, apparently.

Isaac wants to marry an Englishwoman.  Hey, I understand the appeal.  The accents are divine.
I think it's pretty safe to say you're over someone when the thought of seeing them makes you want to deck them.  Gavin was a jerk.  Nice blue eyes, but a jerk all the same.
I'm beginning to feel like I'm out of my league in the Honors Program.  Which is nothing particularly new; I've felt out of my league on several recent occasions.  I signed up for the drama club and the Asian club, and I'm going to sign up for the Society of Women Engineers, and I've been initiating contact with people more and more often.  Riley told me once that everyone thought I was cool and mysterious.  I don't remember his exact words, but it was something along that line.  It made me feel pretty good.  I don't think people think that about me anymore.  I'm a little more social.  People have been talking to me more too now.  It's kind of cool.
Riley said he missed me today.  I miss him - you have no idea how much.  YES, he's being an idiot about romantic matters, but he's still my best friend, and I love him to death.  He calls me his sister, and hugs me when Dana isn't around.  Another reason not to like Dana.  We (Riley and I) used to do everything together.
Okay, that thought went too far.  I don't want to think about all this right now.  Kinda hurts.  I wish I could just talk to him.

Detective (insert name here)

If you find me dead tomorrow...
Search for clues.  You may see an open calculus book, a few scattered pages of notes, a few half-buried writing utensils.  Upon further investigation you may note that my laptop browser is open to my math homework site, and that the assignment due is only half-done.  This is where, if you are smart, you will begin to form hypotheses about my death.
Scratch that.  Assuming I am dead tomorrow (which I no longer expect), it will have nothing to do with math.  WolframAlpha is amazing.

I have neglected you...

Jeez.  First day.  I'm swamped.  I came home and slept for three hours.  I don't know why I do this, but whenever I meet a guy, I automatically put my last name with his to see how it matches.  I feel like an idiot for doing that.
Second day.  I didn't post yesterday.  I'm exhausted.  I went over to Alex' place again tonight.  Take a guess at what happened.  No, not that many bases.  Calm down.  It's funny how that kind of thing can make you feel closer to someone though.  Even though I don't really like Alex in that way, it kind of makes me care more about him.
Anyway, I have to finish some homework.  Got an Honors assignment due tomorrow.  There is gonna be a lot of writing involved in that class.  Blegh.

This is how life ends...

School starts tomorrow.  I'm majoring in mechanical engineering.  There are a LOT of us.  We also have a lot of classes - a B.S.E. requires more credits than anything else does.  Doctors probably have more work in the end though.
I really should go to bed.  I'm not tired though.  Also, I'm writing very boring things.  You've probably already started dozing.  And that right there (look left) was a lame joke.  So I'll shut up.  It's late anyway.  Uggh.

Random snippets of... random. With the occasional bit of awesome.

I got third in patterns, gold in sparring, and gold in breaking.  I've never done this well at a tournament.  And I saw Isaac.  In fact, I'm at his apartment right now.  You know what?  I don't think I've told the story about us.  I will someday when I have time.  Man, I've missed him a lot.  Can't wait for school to start.  Ian is awesome, BTW.

TGIF.

I get to see Isaac tonight too.  And the tournament is tomorrow!  (Not ready, but then, I rarely am.)

That guy. (Warning: strong language)

It's always nice to have it confirmed that a jackass is really a jackass.  For instance, Gavin.  As if I didn't have enough reasons to hate him, I just found out today (rumor only, mind you) that he's dating someone else.  After he said that he wasn't ready to be a good boyfriend.  I can feel the crunch of his jaw breaking in my head... sounds appealing, frankly.  So yeah.  Pretty much over that guy now.  Thank you, Gavin; you made the process much easier by acting like a dickhead.

The breaking of tradition...

YIKES!  I forgot to post last night!  I got home after a paint fight (awesome, BTW), did some laundry, swept the floor, and crashed.  I want to crash again right now.  So tired.
I'm a little different lately.  I'm more outgoing.  I used to be freakishly shy.  Now no one would mistake me for the ex-shadow that I once was.  I owe part of that to Riley.  Somehow, he brought me out of my shell a little.  Now, I'm mostly on my own; we don't see eachother as often as I'd like, but I've still been friendlier.  Yesterday I played hide-and-seek in Walmart with Ian and a couple of other guys.  We ran around madly, me and Ian still covered in paint (which as you may imagine, drew a few stares and some interesting comments) ducking behind clothes racks and dashing across the open aisles.  'Twas fun.  Anyway, I've got a lot more to say about these past few days but I've got to get out of here.

Jeez, Crazy, cool it down!

So, I would say I'm over Gavin, considering how madly I've been flirting.  With - I hesitate to admit it - multiple people.
Okay, so yes.  I am a flirt.  BUT, I will say this much - I don't flirt as much as I did if I plan to just push them aside the next day.  I do it because I really wouldn't mind dating them.
So, maybe I do still miss Gavin.  For which I am an idiot.  Next guy...

I was right.

Well, I WAS!  I am going to busy.  I'm already busy.  I got home about 15 minutes ago.  (11:30)  If it's after midnight when I post this, too bad.  It counts.  This morning now feels like a couple of days ago.  Man, you know what?  I'm just going to go to bed now.  I'm exhausted.  Tournament for Taekwon-Do this weekend!  (That was a very half-hearted exclamation mark, as tired as I am.)  Oh, BTW, there are a ton of cute guys.  In fact I would say that they are hot.  Yeah.  Excellent specimens. :-)

Grrrrr...

Wow.  School starts tomorrow.  I'm going to be busy.  I hate getting all the school stuff taken care of though.  Somehow one of my classes got dropped - not a big deal, I didn't particularly care about it anyway - and now I don't have as much to do, and it's pissing me off.  Blegh.  Oh, hey, I did meet someone interesting today.  Riley's cousin, Ian, was in my group today for the beginning of school thing they had going on.

Yes, there will be strong language in this one. (Warning: see title)

I am so fucking pissed!!!  Turns out that Gavin was either cheating on me, or fucked a girl and then asked me out after he'd been flirting like mad with me.  Either way, he's an ass.
I've been talking to Aaron a lot lately.  He's so incredibly sweet, it's uncanny.  And he's not even trying to get into my pants.  He likes another girl.  (Shame, really.  I was starting to like him.  Oh well, it's better not to get involved with friends.)
I want to fucking take Gavin down.  I haven't been this mad at someone in a long time.  Oh, speaking of taking people down, Gertrude and I aren't at eachother's throats anymore.  Fucking weird how people change.
I feel like such an idiot.  I also feel like killing someone.  I suppose there is the slightest chance that he's not a total jackass... but that doesn't change my feelings towards him at all.  Asshole.

Hi.

So, I'm a perfectionist.  I will soon post another post, but to keep my promise, I'm posting this ridiculously short one for no reason other to keep the promise about posting every day.

Yup. :-)

I am so freakin' proud of myself.  (That was going to be another word there before I decided that I didn't want to add a warning label to this post.  Maybe I should try swearing less.)  Anyway, I got more work.  Which is good, since because of scheduling conflicts, I probably won't be working for my old clients for a while.  Can't wait until tomorrow though, I'm hanging out with Aaron and then Ellie for a while.  And then I work on Sunday, and then SCHOOL STARTS!!!

Lost, I guess. (Warning: strong language)

Just as a quick note, have you noticed how many entries have a warning on the title?
Sometimes I'm tempted to start cutting again.  I know I never will, but every once in a while, when things just suck, I take the knife out and hold it against my skin.  Sometimes I'll push down a little, although never enough to break the skin.  I can't.  I hate how I was then.  Besides, I made a promise that I can't break.  It doesn't stop me from thinking about it sometimes though.
WHY?  Why the FUCK won't anything work out?  Yes, I got into the honors program; yes, I'm fucking smart.  But WHERE has this gotten me?  No one cares if I'm a straight-A student - except for employers from places I don't even want to work, and of course my parents.  I don't want to do mechanical engineering.  I don't know what I want to do.  There's no place in this world for a girl who fails at every relationship and who doesn't know what she wants to do.
Oh, I'll be fine.  I always am.  For some reason I find myself remembering the time I totally lost it, back in December of last year...

Confessions. (Warning: adult content)

My body is breaking down.  I feel like I did yesterday, only worse.  I'm finding less to talk about now that... never mind.  Okay, you know what?  I have tons to talk about.  I think MAYBE Aaron has been flirting with me.  I'm finding to my particular chagrin that it does not bother me.  Of course, he's nice to everyone, and it's entirely possible that he does this to every girl.
Also, you remember I said that Riley wanted to have sex with me?  Well, we did.  Partway through.  And you know what?  It was okay.  Not great; nothing special.  I wasn't forced to... frankly I don't know why I did it, really.  I don't necessarily regret it... but I felt kind of sick afterwards.  Goodness knows why; I don't like Dana and I have no respect for her.  Maybe it was a loss of respect for myself.  I thought I was finished with that.  Now I feel like a slut.  I stopped it partway through - he said that if it felt wrong we could stop - and we decided, no, it was really over.  Neither of us were sad about it.  He said that he'll make time for just me and him to hang out as friends, which will be nice, because I honestly have missed that.  Dana is always around, and frankly I'm sick of it.  But I think I'll be okay.  I'm over Riley.  I didn't think I could be.  And as far as Gavin goes... well, I'll live with it.  I'm not heartbroken or anything; it just sucks and I wish it had ended differently.  (Can you tell I'm having one of my grown-up moments?)  And who knows what will happen in the future?  The possibilities go on forever...

An update.

I'm exhausted.  School shopping takes it toll.  No, don't laugh.  It does.
School starts in five days... can't wait.  Even though I'll probably kill myself before the quarter's over.
I've had six shots today, as well as a blood test.  Needless to say, my arms are a little sore.  For some reason I have an incredible headache as well...
I wish I had unlimited texting.
I also wish that someone would give me a hug.  But I won't ask for one.  I'm weird that way; people have to offer a hug.  I will randomly walk up and hug someone, but not when I'm feeling down.
I'm actually not feeling down.  Mentally and emotionally, I'm feeling pretty good.  I'm just tired, so I have the feeling-down mentality.
I wish I didn't have to work tomorrow.  But I better get used to that feeling; I really need the work.
It's awkward when the doctor asks questions about my sexual activity in front of my dad.  Because, while I am not currently active in that area, I have been, and I'd really rather my dad not know this.  Ever.  Until I get married; I suppose at that point he'll assume that I am.
I haven't eaten dinner yet...
Also, it's after midnight, so I've broken my rule of posting every day.  I didn't mean to though, and since I'm posting very close to yesterday, I think it's acceptable.

SO GUESS WHAT??? (Warning: strong language)

I'm gonna be working my ass off this year!  I'm trying incredibly hard (in theory, of course; at this particular moment I'm sitting on the same floor that I've been sleeping on for over a month...) to go to Europe next summer.
Oh, wow.  I will be working weekends.  And some during the week.  (Hey, I need gas money too, and I'm sure as hell not making my parents pay for it.)  And I'm taking 19 credits.  Honors classes.  Calculus.  Chemistry.  I may never sleep.  All this for two months of pure bliss traveling with Alice to Germany, Ireland, France, Denmark, Italy, etc.  Oh, and need I state that I will not be going snowboarding this winter???  Fuuuuuuuuuck.

"Well, she certainly demonstrates the diversity of the word..." (Warning: strong language)

Uggh.  I need to fucking stop thinking about Gavin.  It's ridiculous.  It's over, and yet this stupid little motherfucker in my head says, "What if it's not?"  I am not in love.  I AM NOT FUCKING IN LOVE.  I'm not sure if Riley agrees with me, but...
Dammit.  What if he's right?  No way.  No way no way no way.  I can't afford to fall in love with ANYONE, least of all someone that I met 5 weeks ago who doesn't even care.  Is it really possible to forget someone completely?  Because I wish I could, and it seems like Gavin has already.  I mean, I don't have any proof.  I haven't talked to him since Sunday.  But... I think he's probably moved on completely - as if there was anything to move on from.
Fuck this.  I don't care.  I'm tired of sounding like a pathetic, whiny bitch.  It's my turn to forget.  I'm going to stop talking about him.

Crazy, reinvented.

I don't know how much I like this new me: the flirt, the safe one, the one guys come on to and adults trust with secrets.  Riley's mom trusts me with secrets.  My mom does too.  Are they just trusting people, or am I really worthy of it?  Lately, I've begun to wonder about myself.  I never used to attract this much male attention.  I'm not loose, so they can't be after the sex.  I suppose it's possible that I am, as Riley and Aaron say, that I'm a great girl.  But great girls don't get this much attention, so it's not.  Whether or not I'm a great girl, I'll leave for others to decide.  I hope so though.  It's uncanny though, about the guys.  I guess maybe it compensates for the complete lack of it I've had for the past few years.  But it's hard to get used to, although it's enjoyable.
I'm not going to lie, in the past week or so I've done some stuff I'm not proud of.  But I guess everyone makes mistakes, and these weren't life-changing or anything.  There are worse mistakes to make.

Um... (Warning: strong language)

Ordinary Sunday, my ass!
Shall I start from the beginning?  It seems that way is least complicated.
I went over to Aaron's house.  That was fairly normal.  That guy is a total sweetheart, BTW.  Anyway, Riley, Dana, and another couple came over after that... Riley wanted to have sex with me.  He said Dana didn't care, that she was bi, etc. and... yeah.  I don't know if I buy it or not, but NO, we aren't getting into this mess again.  But at least I'm not so worried about him and Dana now.  I shouldn't want them to break up, but I do.
I wish I could forget Gavin.  I miss him.
DAMMIT, CRAZY, STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM!  It's not going to do any good!  You may never even see the guy again.
I want to see him again.  And on a different but very much related note, I'm an idiot.

Just an ordinary Sunday...

Gonna go chill with Aaron (after cleaning up my room :-P) and after that who knows.  Talking to Olivia right now.  I love that girl.  I'm thinking I should eat something... food sounds good.  Yesterday Olivia and I were talking about love stories.  She's a romantic.  I'm not.  But I'll tell you one thing: for someone who's not a romantic, I get my heart broken a lot.
Back when Riley and I were close, he told me that I was a romantic.  I believed him.  I don't now.  I sometimes wish things were the way they were before.  Fall of 2010 was the happiest time of my life.  I was doing well in school, I was in love with Riley and he was in love with me.  Dana would flip if she knew that we talked about getting married.  Now, I don't know what exactly I saw in him.  Of course, he HAS changed... but... I don't know.  I guess I miss being as safe as I was then.  I'm not now - maybe I wasn't then, but I thought I was - and sometimes I miss it.  Although, I won't lie, there's a certain kind of thrill in believing that you're on your own.  It's lonely, and granted it hurts most of the time, but it makes you feel something like a hero.  My pride plays too much of a part in my life, I can tell.
Maybe I'd be happier without it.  Now there's a novel idea.

A prayer to God.

Dear God, I need a miracle for Riley.  Dana is taking over his life.  His mom can't even talk to him without Dana listening in.  She's just got to have her nose in everything.  I can't get him alone to knock some sense into him either.  He's in love with her, but he doesn't respect her.  How can he?  She's lazy, nosy, and childish.  He still thinks he's going to school this fall.  I'm going to do my best to help that along, because without some time away from Dana, he might never figure out what is going on.  (BTW, God, I'm doing my best not to swear in this letter.  I know You know that I do, but that probably doesn't mean You want to hear it.)  I don't think there's much chance of him going though.  That's what I need help with - PLEASE, somehow get him into the University.  Get him moving.  If You won't do that, please break up him and Dana anyway.  PLEASE.  I'm begging this for my best friend, or at least the guy who used to be.  Please help me, please help him, please help his parents who are being driven insane by this.
In Your Holy Name, Amen.

For the sake of the blog... (Warning: strong language)

... I am posting.  Remember that I said I would post at least once every day?  Well, let's see if I can come up with something interesting...
I miss Gavin.  But you're not interested in that, are you?  Too fucking bad.  I keep remembering EVERYTHING about him.  How could he imprint himself on my mind so quickly?  I remember the way he laughs, the way he talks, the way he looks at me, and the way he looks in a hat.  (Baseball cap and beanie.)  I remember the way he would calm me down (which was kinda funny but still sweet) and the way he got mad and the way he kisses - HOLY SHIT do I ever remember the way he kisses - and... yeah.  This is pathetic.  Hey, I can't help it if I have a memory that is amazing and even verges on the photographic (not bragging, it's true), but I don't need to be thinking about this.  I wonder if I ever cross his mind.

The aftermath. (Warning: strong language)

I want to fucking kill someone.  No one in particular.  I don't have it in me right now to hate Gavin.  I don't hate anyone right now, except maybe my grandpa.  If I could wring my own fucking neck, I would.  I've been so stupid.  I don't think I've been this humiliated by myself - ever.  I don't want to listen to music.  I don't want to do anything.  I hate not doing anything though, so I'm kind of half-heartedly pushing myself along.
Okay, yes, I'm also ticked off at Gavin.  He makes excuses for a week and half; saying he's too busy to hang out, then he ignores me for almost a week, then he breaks up with me OVER TEXT.  He says he'll call later that day when he gets off work.  He never calls.  I call him several times.  I text him several times.  I'm in town, so I stop by his house.  Yes, maybe that's a little fucking extreme.  But really?  I can't even get the guy to talk to me.  He isn't saying a word.  I texted him once this morning saying I was sorry for overreacting yesterday, take care, etc.  I meant it then, I meant it now.  I don't hate him.  But whether or not he actually IS a jerk, he ACTED like one.  He was so nice for a few weeks, and then he turned around and was a fucking asshole.  I don't get it.  I DON'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND.  I don't think I ever will.  I'm trying not to care about the whole stupid mess, because it doesn't look like it will get any better.  Everything hurts right now - the fact that I can't seem to make any relationship last, the fact that guys seemingly (if not for real) try to take advantage of me, the stupid floor I've been sleeping on for almost a month.  And I'm tired of pretending I'm fine.  No cure for that though.  Oh well, I've been through worse.  This shouldn't be that difficult.  Crazy's a big girl now.

Stupid stubbornness...

Uggh... I would do a lot NOT to go to Taekwon-Do tonight.  I just want to sit home and veg - watch movies, read Twilight (no, I don't love it OR hate it - I was just tired of hearing all the hype and not knowing what it was about), eat chips and salsa.  Homemade salsa, I might add.  But going on like everything's normal is part of the tough girl image, which I can't seem to let go of.  Just for the record, stubbornness feeds your pride and NOT your happiness or general well-being.

Moving on... (Warning: adult content)

Well, I'll be okay.  Duh.  Yeah, I liked Gavin.  A lot.  And chances are, in a few hours I won't feel so rational.  But hello, I was only with him for a month.  We had sex once, you know?  I don't regret it, necessarily.  In fact, there are times when I wish I could do it again.  (He was good!)  But, like I said, it's over.  Thinking about it too much won't help.  I don't know what went wrong, but I don't really think it was anyone's fault.  We just weren't going to work out; our lives are too separate, although I don't believe, as he says, that we're going in opposite directions.
Last night was weird though.  So, Alex was the guy that Gertrude broke up with over Facebook.  Last night, he texted me, and I ended up going over to his house for a little while.  I told my mom I was going to Gavin's (she didn't know we'd broken up yet) and Alex and I ended up on his couch making out.  Then we moved to his bedroom.  NO, we did not have sex.  I do not know that we'll ever have sex.  But things got intense.  If nothing else, I need the distraction, although, that was probably NOT the best way to get one.
Also, Alex is one of my friends.  I've messed up friendships before by falling in love.  Not that I think that will happen; I just can't see it.  But I don't see any reason to risk it.
BTW, I feel a lot better now.

Yep, no pride right now. (Warning: strong language)

I'm trying to salvage my pride here.  I am an idiot on so many levels.  Things got a little ugly between Gavin and me.  I STILL don't fucking understand.  But, jeez, I have a little pride normally.  Today I didn't.  Not gonna lie, I would give a lot to take back some of what I did today.  I would also give a lot to understand.  I would probably give a little to be back with him.  I really just need to move on now; show the world I'm fine.  I am fine.  I'll be fine.  I feel sick to my stomach, but I'm FINE!
I am so full of shit.
I don't understand what happened; he said he liked me.  He ACTED like it.  And I don't know what the hell is going on now, because he sure wasn't cheating.
Fuck.  I really can't think about this right now or I'll go crazy.

I don't know what to say.

A few minutes ago I was mad as heck, but now it's calmed down and is probably still there, but hiding.  It's mostly been replaced with helplessness.  I don't know what to do.  I went into town, but Gavin wasn't at home.  I thought about calling Isaac and just ranting, but I know he's at work and now I'm not even sure I want to tell anyone.  The only person that knows, surprisingly enough (except for possibly Gavin and Aaron) is my brother Oscar.  He was at home when everyone else left, so he knew I went into town, and when I got back I was so pissed that I told him part of it.  Basically, he knows everything I put on the blog earlier - except for how much I'm fretting over it.  Which is weird, because he is generally the last person (besides my dad) who I would tell things.
I don't even know what to do right now.  We texted for a few minutes this morning.  He said he would call when he got off work.  He didn't.  I know he isn't at work anymore.  The only thing I've heard from him since this morning was a short text when I said I was coming over to house, and if he didn't say anything I would take it as permission.  He texted back and said he wasn't at home.  He didn't say another word after that.  I called him and he didn't pick up; I texted and he didn't reply.  I've got no clue what to do next.  I barely even care now if he changes his mind.  I just want to understand.

I don't understand...

Well, Gavin texted me this morning, and... we're going to talk later.  I don't feel much like talking about it, but I don't get it... he didn't exactly break up with me in so many words, but it was the next closest thing, and somehow (just a wild guess) I think it's gonna happen.  I'm hoping - I can't help it; I always hope - that it'll work out, and I have a rough plan (yup, that's me; I never accept the inevitable), but I don't feel like I should count on it.  I haven't told anyone he texted me.  I don't know why, but I don't like to tell the bad things.  I used to pretend I didn't want people feeling sorry for me, and now I really don't.  Isaac has been asking me if I've heard from Gavin yet, and I've told him no.  I just don't want to talk about it.  And I know for certain that if ANYONE will feel sorry for me and want to talk about it, it will be Isaac.  I can't lie to him forever - I don't like lying to him at all - but sometimes I wish I could.

One of those days... the good ones.

Well, yesterday ended on kind of a nice note.  I went over to Aaron's house and we hung out for about four hours, pretty much talking all the way through.  It was good to talk to someone intelligent.  Don't get me wrong, Gavin is intelligent, but we don't talk.  Speaking of which, Aaron said he was talking about me at some point, saying, "This girl is so smart!  I mean, she makes me feel dumb!"  I don't think it bugs him though.  Either of them, really.  I really hope I can get ahold of Gavin tomorrow.  It will make things so much simpler.  It would also be great if I could hang out with him this weekend, because Ellie is busy, and I really don't want to hang out with Riley and Dana.  They're so demonstrative.  Also, Gertrude is there, and frankly, I don't think we can be in the same vicinity anymore.  Oh well, if nothing else, I'll see if Aaron can chill again.  We had fun.
Grr.  Even though I should be kind of irritated with Gavin for ignoring me (which is what is most likely, I guess), I STILL can't stop thinking about him.
Shut up, you stupid brain.  Try thinking about something normal, for a change, or at least something that will not end up as a dramatic mess.

Plan A.

I'm really beginning to wonder about Gavin.  At the beginning everything was great, and now, I haven't heard from him since Thursday.  I'm tempted to cut him some slack, because he doesn't seem the type to ignore someone when he doesn't like them anymore.  I don't think that's what he's doing.  If he were cheating, he would know enough to at least pay some attention to each girl, so that's not it.  I don't think he would anyway; I really don't.  I know he works a lot - 12 hours a day sometimes - but... what the hell is going on?
Also, I have to be frank.  I treated him like crap the last day I saw him.  On the basis of rumors I hadn't even confirmed, I went and broke up with him.  About an hour later, I went back.  I felt horrible about the whole thing, I still liked him, and I didn't even know if the rumors were true.  I asked him if we could just start over.  It did take a while, I'll admit, but he said yes.  Things seemed fine when I left, but my brother Isaac thinks he's being very careful with me and might not be sure if he still wants a relationship.  Maybe so, and I feel absolutely horrible about the whole mess - I wish I hadn't listened to the rumors, I wish I hadn't broken up with him, and if I hurt him at all, I'm SORRY - but I don't even know what to do.  He doesn't answer texts, phone calls, and I have no clue when he'll be available at home.
What I will do... is on Wednesday, when I go in for housecleaning, I'll call him to see if he wants to hang out.  If I don't get a response, I'll text him saying I'm coming over that evening.  At least he won't be totally shocked when I come over.  But something has to get figured out here.  Unless he contacts me first, I'm not going to talk to him until Wednesday.  Wish me luck here, and please pray.

This is a good thing.

You know, I like raspberries.
I'm going to try hard to post in here every day.  We'll see if that happens, I've tried before and never have.

Things that piss me off... (Warning: strong language)

I love blogs... I particularly like ones where NO ONE knows who I am and what I'm talking about; because I can say anything I like.  No one knows I've created this blog, and no one from the outside ever will.
I will now proceed to lay out everything that is bugging me.

Riley, my best friend, is dating a girl who I don't like.  At all.  I'm beginning to wonder if she is getting him into drugs; he seems out of it so often.  They sleep late, go to bed late, and are generally very lazy.  Riley never used to do this; he worked harder than me.  Now he's not even signed up for college.  We were going to go to the university together, originally.  He's partially applied, but he hasn't finished some of the stuff he needs to do.  He hasn't even registered for classes.  They start in two weeks.  He's screwed.  Also, he's being a dumbass.  And frankly, if this bitch Dana hurts him, I'll pull her vagina out through her throat.

Next thing - I have to get a physical soon, for college.  I hate the doctor's office.  I've never had a physical before.  And pardon me for being ignorant, but I don't know if I have to take my clothes off or not.  AND I DON'T WANT TO!!!!  Doesn't help that the doctor is a guy.

Dana's sister, Gertrude (hey, she's evil, I can give her a terrible name if I want!), broke up with my friend ON FACEBOOK saying all sorts of shit, and generally being just about the worst kind of bitch, whore, and fucked-up ass you can imagine.  She and I kinda got into it online, and basically, if I see her, something's going to happen.  I promised Riley I wouldn't throw the first punch.  I should try to be nice... but the nice gene skipped me and I probably won't.  So, while I won't attack, if she does I will fucking take that bitch down.

I guess the thing that's bugging me the most is this thing with Gavin.  Met him the first day I came back home after spending two months with my brother, and two days later, we started seeing eachother.  I like him.  My mom asks if I've got the butterflies; I think she thinks I'm just playing around.  I'm not.  I honestly do like him.  YES, I've got the butterflies.  Wow.  I was kinda underplaying that, but yeah, I REALLY get the butterflies, if that's what you want to call them.  Anyway, we've been trying to hang out now for two weeks, and nothing's worked.  Yeah, he's busy, but really?  Anyway, I'm talking online to one of his friends (cool guy, is Aaron) and feeling a little better than when I started writing this part.
Okay, Aaron has officially moved to the awesome category.

Anyway, I'm going to post this ridiculously long collection of gibberish.  So ends my first post.  :-)